The truth is, I don't know exactly what happened. I have been home alone today replaying yesterday's events over and over again and I can't for the life of me figure out why my sweet Minnie isn't here with me today. Today has been quiet. This morning the sound of the sky crying with me is all I could hear. First, thank you for all the kind words today. The calls, texts, comments, and emails have been so nice. I know I haven't responded to anything but I have read them all more than once. I just don't know what to say back. I took the time to write that last post last night not for sympathy, but because after the hypothyroidism and surgery posts, I didn't want anyone to ask me how she was doing. I thought it might be easier to write it once than to have to say it over and over again.

As for yesterday's events, they were pretty bad. I left work at 2:30 to come check on Minnie. She had thrown up but seemed to be moving around more. She looked like she felt better after getting some of the medicine out of her belly. After cleaning everything up, I went upstairs to change clothes. When I came back down, she had been sick a couple more times. And that's how the afternoon continued to go. The last time she threw up was around 6:15 and by then she didn't have a lick of energy. I assumed she was dehydrated and tried to get her to drink, but she wouldn't. I also tried to give her her thyroid medicine wrapped in cheese and she wouldn't even lick it.

Doc got home around 7:30 or so. Minnie and I were still cuddled up on the couch, where we spent most of the afternoon when she wasn't getting sick. I ate dinner and we watched tv for a while. I decided to try to take Minnie out since it had been a while. When I set her in the grass, she immediately laid down. We brought her back in and Doc tried to force her to drink water but she let it dribble out the sides of her mouth.

At 8:50, I called our vet at home. He said he'd meet us at the clinic. When we got there, he said she didn't look good at all. Her stomach was very hard to the touch. He thought maybe she was constipated or had air in her intestines. X-rays were taken but he couldn't tell much from them. That's when he decided he would have to do surgery and look inside. Minnie needed to get fluids first though. We left the clinic...I didn't say goodbye to Minnie because I was too busy making sure he had my cell number written down. I didn't realize I wouldn't see her again.

He called at 10:30 and said it wasn't good. Minnie had crashed on the table but he was able to bring her back. Her liver was diseased and her intestines were deteriorating and falling apart when he touched them. He said it was in her best interest not to wake up. There was nothing else that could be done.

I cannot tell you how much I have cried. I knew Minnie didn't feel well, and in my head I know she's not in pain now, but that doesn't mean I don't wish she was she was still here with me. I have lost two other dogs in my life - the first one, Max, was a mean dog and I was really too young to hurt much. I remember crying but it didn't last long. The other family dog, Greta, died when I was in college. She was old and we sorta knew it would be soon. My mom called to tell me and I cried in my dorm room.

It feels different with Minnie. She was mine. My dog. Of course, when Doc came along she became our dog, but she was always my baby. When I moved out of my parents' house and into my own apartment, it was just me and Minnie. I don't think I could've made it on my own without her with me. She was always by my side and even though she drove me crazy sometimes with her barking, I always loved her to pieces.

She was so little when my parents brought her home from the flea market.