Missing Memaw

Today is Halloween.  It's the anniversary of the day I lost my grandmother.

The picture above is one my mom carries in her purse.  I scanned it which is why it looks so worn.  Worn with love.  It's my mom's favorite picture, and I really like it, too.  It's been two years since we had to say goodbye to Memaw and for me, it seems like the second year was harder than the first.

I feel like I think about her a lot.  Probably because I have silly daily reminders of her.  For instance, this eye shadow.

I wear the green and brown shades just about every day.  So why does this remind me of Memaw? Cause they were hers.  When she was still with us, I used to call "dibs" on her makeup collection.  But when the time came to actually sort through it all, it just wasn't as much fun.  I grabbed a few eyeshadow cases and that was it.  This one has become my favorite.  The brush is missing a sponge - that's from her.  And there's a worn spot in that hot pink shade that is definitely from her! I don't think I'm brave enough for that color.

This perfume reminds me of her, too.

The Pleasures on the left was a gift from her.  I used to borrow hers when I was at her house, so she started giving it to me for Christmas.  I think I got a bottle of it for at least 3 years in a row and I used to joke that I'd never run out of Pleasures! But now I'm on my last bottle and I've found myself not using it as much because I don't want it to run out.  The Amarige on the right is a scent I took from her collection.  It smells like her. I love it.

This is my favorite reminder of Memaw - her diamond necklace.

It was hard to photograph with my phone, so sorry for the poor quality.  My grandmother wore this necklace everyday.  She switched the chain from silver and gold depending on what other jewelry she was wearing - that's where I get it from.  I don't wear it everyday but I do wear it often.  Probably at least 3 days a week.  Aside from my wedding rings, it's my most prized possession.  I wore it first on my wedding day as my "something old" and now when I wear it, I constantly touch it.  Maybe to remember her or maybe to make sure it's still there.  You can't really tell from the picture, but it's made up of 5 diamonds.  I'm sure it's just coincidence, but I like to think each diamond represents one of her five grandchildren.  I think the necklace is actually supposed to belong to my aunt, so Aunt Kim, if you want it back, you just have to let me know!

As I mentioned before, the second year seems like it's been harder.  The daily reminders make me smile, but they also make me think that it sure has been a while since we travelled to her house.  The thought of never visiting my mom's hometown again makes me sad.  I miss us all crowding into her little house and sleeping wherever we could find a spot.  I am thankful for all the memories I have with her - from spending weeks with her in the summers to driving to her house from college, from eating her pancakes to learning how to decorate a carrot cake, from painting sweatshirts to making cheerleading signs.  But even with all those good memories, I find myself wishing for more.  I wish she could have been at my wedding (even though I know she had the best seat in the house).  I wish she could meet Anna and Wyatt.  I wish she could teach me how to really use my sewing machine and what projects I should do next in the shop.  She was a crafty lady.

I tried to find some more pictures on my computer but unfortunately there aren't any on here. Oh, except for this gem I just found:

Ha! This picture is terrible of everyone, but it makes me laugh.  Thanksgiving weekend, 2008.  Those of us that could, met at Memaw's house so we could clean everything out and get it ready to sell.  It was a long day.  That evening, my mom finally started going through her closet and what did she find? A bag of hats! How, oh how, could I have not known about all of these hats??  I set my camera timer for ten seconds, put a hat on everyone's head, and this is what we got.

Don't worry, I took some individual shots, too.

I do wish I could've seen my grandmother wearing these hats! If I'm not mistaken, the bag-o-hats now resides in my mom's closet.  She just couldn't bear the thought of getting rid of them.  If anyone's looking for a last-minute Halloween costume, we've got hats!

In a few short weeks I'll get to see this side of the family for Thanksgiving.  It'll be different, because we won't be at Memaw's house, but I have a feeling she'll be there.  I like to imagine her and Pepaw sitting on the edge of a cloud, swinging their legs and feeding Mickey (the dog) peppermints, laughing and watching all the fun we're having.